I recently launched a new project that's been on my heart for awhile. Some of you know our story. Our story is one of infertility, 9 years of trying to get pregnant before we finally had that joyous moment of a positive pregnancy test. It was 10 years of trying the month our little man was born.
After being on that journey I had a very strong desire to give back. I want to give you hope. If you're on this journey, I want you to have a place to hear the stories of people who have been where you are, waiting. I want you to know that you're not alone.
Without further ado... Meet the Moe family.
Josh and Angie have been married about 8 years and they now have two beautiful children, but only after waiting and heartache and loss. This is their story.
Their journey started with not being allowed to even try to have kids. Angie had an arterial venous malformation (AVM) in her right temporal lobe. They had to wait until this had healed completely to try and get pregnant. When they were given the okay to start trying because her AVM was healed, they were so excited. Why wouldn't they be? No one expects that their plans won't work out. Angie went off of birth control, but like many, her body didn't cooperate and her period didn't come back on it's own. She ended up on progesterone and Clomid, as well as taking her basal body temperature daily. But this was after six months of trying with no success, and three years of waiting for the AVM to heal.
Angie says about this season, "I remember feeling like my life was lived in sections. One week where we thought was our window to get pregnant and then the horrible two week wait to see if we were. It was so draining to try to continue to have hope and then be so disappointed month after month."
On March 25, 2013 they had their first positive pregnancy test. The pregnancy was confirmed by HCG test and a 6-week ultrasound. At the time the ultrasound looked good but baby was a little small. Sadly, two weeks later they received the news this wasn't a viable pregnancy. The Moe's held onto hope and believed for a miracle, and they reached out to family to pray with them. After another week, the next ultrasound revealed that there was no heartbeat. Angie had to have a D&C right before Mother's Day that year. Heartbroken and empty arms, that day is so incredibly difficult, especially when you're raw.
At this point the heartache was catching up with Angie. She noticed all of the pregnant women, it seemed as though they were everywhere. Women and their babies. I can certainly relate, it's a difficult thing to go through when you're heart is hurting so much with loss and you're just not sure where this road will take you.
At this point they found out they were pregnant again, and on Angie's birthday! Unfortunately, this baby didn't make it either. They miscarried at 5 weeks naturally. Angie recalls sitting on the sofa with Josh and telling him, "I don't know if I can do this again, I don't know if I have the strength to try again." Josh recalls how much this broke his heart and how he didn't even know what to do in that moment. With the support of friends and family though, they were convinced to hold out hope and to carry on with the journey. They both said that at that moment though, it was the family that held onto hope for them.
When they were finally pregnant with their daughter, Ellie, it came as a surprise. They weren't trying. Angie recalls being really optimistic from the start with this one, the pregnancy test lines were really dark on this test which was different than the other two. Even through sickness, there was joy in the pregnancy. They had plenty of ultrasounds and labs drawn, but Ellie was on track the whole time. They now have a healthy little girl!
After Ellie was six months old they decided that getting pregnant again would be okay, so Angie went off of birth control. At that time she ended up with hives all over her body and they didn't know why. She also didn't have her period. It took them over a year of not knowing what was going on and the fear of not being able to get pregnant again started to creep in on them. But 14 months later they were pregnant with Simon and her hives disappeared. They now believe the hives were hormone related, and they have a healthy, happy little boy.
Angie and Josh both told me that they felt like this experience made them more aware of the things people don't talk about and that they felt they had more courage to talk about it and to encourage others going through it.
Sometimes these journeys take a year and sometimes they take much longer. Waiting is never easy. But I encourage you to hold onto hope, live in the season you're in and embrace it because you never know when it will end and the new season will begin.